assassins’ creed or top-level domain

Occurring in Paris on this day—the third of Nivôse IX (otherwise Christmas Eve, 1800)—the royalist plot of thee rue Saint-Nicaise to kill le Consulat of the Republic narrowly failed with Napoleon Bonaparte and his wife Josephine just barely escaping with their lives. In the late afternoon, the plotters had positioned their machine infernale and loaded it with gunpowder and ammunition as Napoleon proceeded to the opera to attend an oratorio by Joseph Haydn, whom reportedly slumbered during the ride and slept through the attempt on his life, whilst one unwitting co-conspirator and five by-standers were killed, afterwards insisting on attending the performance. This account later led Sigmund Freud to the conclusion as part of his psychological profile that the man was a sound-sleeper and dreamt of past battles, underminings that he had survived, thus cementing the idea that dreams—in the main—echo, correlate with wake-up calls in popular culture.

nittel nacht

Observed in some Jewish communities dating back as far as the late seventeen-hundreds with scholastic reinforcement in the following century, the Yiddish term (ניטל נאַכט) for Christmas Eve likely comes from natalis but may also refer to the hanged one, nitleh, an epithet for Jesus during the Middle Ages. In medieval Europe, non-observers were often forbidden from being seen in public—with Yuletide often signalling the beginning of attacks on Jewish neighbours by Christians—so this was a good excuse to staying in and specifically not studying the Torah and abstaining from enjoyment so as not to give any glory to the day, though for some, reading the Sefer Toledot Yeshu (an alternate hagiography that portrays Jesus as a womanising charlatan though possibly accounts themselves are exaggerated as another excuse to label people as blasphemers—that is, megadef) as an acceptable activity to engage in. Chess and card games became a tradition, in lieu of other pastimes, and children were apprehensive about being snatched away on this night by demon Jesus.

8x8

the santaland diaries: a holiday classic from David Sedaris 

by jove: more on the complex system of Jupiter and its moons—including Valetudo, which crosses between the prograde and retrograde orbitals—see previously  

mimicry and mutualism: the monkey slug caterpillar (Phobetron pithecium, the larva of the hag moth) that evolved to resemble a tarantula  

where do i begin: Erich Segal’s Love Story at fifty

posse commmutatus: a fresh tranche of pardons (previously) from the outgoing and impeached Trump is an assault and insult on justice 

tree fm: for those who can’t readily go forest bathing or hug a perennial friend, tune into the soundscape of woods around the world—via Things Magazine  

pork-barrel politics: Trump frames riders in COVID aid bill as disgraceful after seven months of contentious negotiation, demands revision 

suggested serving: wintry cocktail and hot toddy recipes from eastern Europe

i’m mister green christmas, i’m mister sun, i’m mister heat blister, i’m mister one hundred and one

Never able to resist the delightfully weird theology of Rankin/Bass productions, we’ve been rather enjoying the duelling melodies of the Brothers Miser from the 1974 special The Year Without Santa Claus. Having come down with a cold before the Christmas rush, Santa’s physician advises a change in routine, suggesting that his role is diminished in the modern era and that no one believes in him anymore, and despite objections by Mrs Claus (voiced by Mickey Rooney and Shirley Booth) decides to take a sabbatical rather than deliver gifts.

Undeterred, Mrs Claus dispatches two elves, Jingle and Jangle, with Vixen the reindeer to gather proof that people do care about Christmas and believe in Santa. Flying from the North Pole, their mission gets blown off track by a weather front caused by the bickering of the Snow Miser (Dick Shawn) and the Heat Miser (George S. Irving) who control the world’s weather. Crash-landing in a place called Southtown, Vixen is caught and put in the dog-pound, city authorities find their alibi laughable but agree to free Vixen if they can prove that they are elves by making it snow for Christmas. The Clauses travel to Southtown separately to try to rectify the situation and free their friends—the Misers conceding after Mother Nature compels her sons to compromise. Upon learning what’s afoot in Southtown and that Santa Claus has grown despondent, the children of the world begin to send Santa presents, this gesture convincing him to undertake his annual route after all—appearing in public in Southtown as snow falls. The show ends with Mrs Claus’ commentary somehow, “yearly, newly, faithfully and truly,” Santa always comes and we could never imagine a Christmas without him.

6x6

schröder staircase: prize-winning optical illusions 

well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam—that’s not got much spam in it: McDonald’s in China releases a special, limited edition burger  

every day, the same, again: miscellany from the New Shelton wet/dry 

black mirror: a Claude glass was a handheld Instagram filter of artists and sightseers in the late 1700s

back contamination: NASA’s efforts to contain a lunar pandemic (see previously) that never came to pass and what lessons it can teach us in this current situation

frame-included position shift: another impressive optical illusion

syntactic ambiguity

Popularly known as crash blossoms (though named after an incongruously tragic air disaster from an equally amphibolic test headline), such constructions in a telegraphic economy of copy that often omits copulas (to be, feels, gets, seems and words that serve similar functions in languages that are less reliant on agglutination) can result in (usually) unintended vagaries that can lead to humorous or dark interpretations. Some classic—albeit possibly apocryphal or used as homage—examples include “Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge” or “Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim” with plenty of more examples at the link above. The paraprosdokian, anticlimactic comedy of Groucho Marx also elicits a similar response. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

your daily demon: orobas

Presenting as a horse and infernal patron of all things equine (see also), this spirit with the rank of prince rules the first segment of Capricorn, from today until 26 December and according to the Ars Goetia and other sources can be reliably invoked to suppress gossip and libellous speech and foretell the future. With an etymology possibly from a Latin word, orobias, for a sort of cedarwood incense, the demon makes an appearance in pop-culture properties including several video games and is paired with battle angel called Mehaiah under the archangel Haniel.

acrostic

Inspired by a game that his grandfather taught him they called magic squares, contributing correspondent to the New York World Arthur Wynne (Liverpudlian by birth, *1871 – †1945) published his first “word-cross” puzzle in the special Christmas Sunday supplemental of the paper on this day in 1913. With the letters F-U-N (the name of the jokes and tricks section of the paper) prefilled, the puzzle was a symmetrically arranged diamond and due to a subsequent typesetting switch a few weeks later, Wynne’s creation became known as the crossword ever since.